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Do you have similar personal values and long-term goals for your life?
Are you able to respect their interests and their desire to participate in them, even if you don’t share them? Another common issue is that you’re simply not looking for the same things or aren’t in the same place in life.
You might have fun in the short term, but in the long term, those clashing desires are going to end with someone getting hurt in the long-term.
Many people, especially those who’ve been down that road before, would rather pull the fade out early and spare everybody the heart-ache and passive-aggressive Facebook status updates.
The classic example is the nerd developing a crush on the cheerleader without knowing anything about her; he’s built up this elaborate fantasy about who she is and what she’s “really” into without any regard for reality.
It’s a function of the halo effect – we assume that people we find physically attractive are also smarter, kinder, friendlier and so-forth. Physical attraction is great – it’s incredibly important for any romantic relationship – but it’s not the in the long run than looks.
Wanting to knock boots is great, but if you can’t stand to talk to them when that “need to get laid” urge has faded, then there’s really nothing compelling to keep people around.
Whenever I talk to men who regularly have issues with women pulling the fade away, the hands-down most common issue is that who they want doesn’t line up with who they’re actually It’s easy to let attraction be the justification for everything else, especially when you’re relatively socially inexperienced.One of the trickier aspects of improving your dating life is that there’s always another level to master. And that’s where new and different problems come sneaking in.It’s easy to assume that once you’ve made it past that initial hump – building a cool wardrobe, getting over your approach anxiety and generally learning how to connect with potential dates – that it’s all smooth sailing from there. One of the things I hear about regularly from my readers – both here and over at my column at Kotaku – are people who keep experiencing what’s known as “the fade away” or “ghosting”.They make the mistake of trying to trade on the ambiguousness of the situation – a Schrödinger’s Date, where it is both platonic and sexual at the same time, so long as nobody actually tries to put a label on things and collapses the waveform.The only problem with this approach is that It doesn’t take very long for the other person to recognize that you’re trying to leverage a date out of a friendly get-together and they’re more likely to peace-out than have a long and uncomfortable “Let’s Just Be Friends” talk.